Dear Shelly,

Okay, look, men. I know you aren't into them just now, but you have history and all that...

Sometimes, he just won't come. Can't, maybe, won't, maybe, I can't tell. And after, ya know, half an hour, I'm getting bored. Or sore. Got any tips?

Really Fucking Sore

Dear Sore,

Have you talked to him about it? If you can't tell, you should ask. Some guys spend all of their adolescent sex life trying not to come really quickly, and even some of the most sexually enlightened boys don't know when to stop not coming and cling to the idea that the longer they last, the better she likes it.

If that's not what's going on, you still ought to talk to him about it. It's exactly the same as saying "honey, a little to the right," when he's missing it, you know? You're having sex, and part of that sex isn't so good for you, and it's important to communicate that. I know that it can feel like the intercourse part is all about getting him off and not about how much you're enjoying it, but I can guarantee you he's not thinking of it that way, and you shouldn't be, either. In fact, have you considered making intercourse less of a priority? It's certainly not the be all and end all of sex, and there are lots of ways to feel good without going there, or only going there as a last minute thing.

If you talk to him about it and discover that it's more of a "can't" than a "won't," then it's a matter of figuring out why and trying to find a solution. It could be about friction, it could be about a wandering mind, or it could even be about something you're doing. This is why you need to talk. You should not be getting bored during sex, and I'm sure he'd agree.

As for the soreness, are we talking raw skin or bruised muscles? If we're talking raw skin, and you aren't using it already, get some lube and use it. Seriously. If you don't want to buy it in person, you can find it at Blowfish or Toys in Babeland and have it shipped right to your door. If you've never used it or anything like it, it's possible that your boy will be so excited that you're actually buying a product for sex enhancement that your problem will be solved automatically. If we're talking about bruised muscles, I don't know what else to tell you. Talk to him. Or, you know, walk funny until he asks why and then talk to him.

Good luck!